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I’ve heard men say that women who wear sweatpants outside of the house have given up on life. This is true, to some extent. The truth is that we women, much like the illuminati, have our own secret language that we use to silently communicate with one another. It’s well known that women have the capacity to take on Herculean tasks, in multitude, while making it seem effortless. But even the best of us have our breaking points. Wearing sweatpants out of the house wordlessly says to our fellow females, “No. I can’t have lunch. I can not pick up your children for you. I will not volunteer for your committee. I just can’t.” It doesn’t end there. Pairing sweatpants with either uggs in the winter or crocs in the summer translates to: “I haven’t slept. I just cleaned up barf. I haven’t showered in days and can’t walk because I sprained my ankle tripping on my kids friggin toys. So help me G-d, if you ask me to pick you up from the airport I will inflict bodily harm.” Many men are confused by the intentions of women in sweatpants. They see it as the “bored housewife syndrome”, or as an unspoken “I have a headache, don’t ask me for sex”. This is simply not true. That’s what flannel pajamas are for. In fact, women still want to look desirable to men while wearing their sweatpants, which is how the juicy couture line got its start. They figured, as long as there is something shiny on these pants, like sequins, men will still flock to us. And they were right! So, the next time you see a woman clad in her “bootylicious” sweatpants, with her hair bunched up with a scrunchy, looking as though she’s given up on life, do her a solid. Tell her she’s beautiful and hand her a drink.