relationship advice | Amish Baby Machine Pop Culture Podcast

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My wife and I want to act out 50 Shades of Gray but don’t want to rush into things so we’re starting off light. First off we plan to tackle Fun With Dick and Jane.

The Amish Drifter

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Ladies: DO take an Advil. Valentines day, like his birthday and New Year’s Eve, are our token obligatory holidays. You’re on duty, no slacking.

Guys: if your girl takes the time and money to wear fancy lingerie for you for valentines day, savor it. Relish it. Treat it like the canvas it is. Don’t just rip it off like a savage, you’re better than that.

Lara L’Amish

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Women: starting a request with “Who do I have to blow to get (insert desired result)” can save yourself hours of nagging.

The Amish Drifter

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If you’re tired of us guys looking at your cleavage instead of your face then do something about it. Eat a banana or something.

The Amish Drifter

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advice on women, amish, amish baby, amish baby machine podcast, amish moms, comedy, dating advice, dating rants, men, mommy, mommy rant, mommy rants, mommy wisdom, podcast, relationship advice, sex advice, women

I’ve heard men say that women who wear sweatpants outside of the house have given up on life. This is true, to some extent. The truth is that we women, much like the illuminati, have our own secret language that we use to silently communicate with one another. It’s well known that women have the capacity to take on Herculean tasks, in multitude, while making it seem effortless. But even the best of us have our breaking points. Wearing sweatpants out of the house wordlessly says to our fellow females, “No. I can’t have lunch. I can not pick up your children for you. I will not volunteer for your committee. I just can’t.” It doesn’t end there. Pairing sweatpants with either uggs in the winter or crocs in the summer translates to: “I haven’t slept. I just cleaned up barf. I haven’t showered in days and can’t walk because I sprained my ankle tripping on my kids friggin toys. So help me G-d, if you ask me to pick you up from the airport I will inflict bodily harm.” Many men are confused by the intentions of women in sweatpants. They see it as the “bored housewife syndrome”, or as an unspoken “I have a headache, don’t ask me for sex”. This is simply not true. That’s what flannel pajamas are for. In fact, women still want to look desirable to men while wearing their sweatpants, which is how the juicy couture line got its start. They figured, as long as there is something shiny on these pants, like sequins, men will still flock to us. And they were right! So, the next time you see a woman clad in her “bootylicious” sweatpants, with her hair bunched up with a scrunchy, looking as though she’s given up on life, do her a solid. Tell her she’s beautiful and hand her a drink.

Lara L’Amish