My 2015 Oscar predictions:
Vanilla Ice will be convicted on burglary charges and sentenced to presenting the Best Documentary Short award while wearing Bjorks swan dress.
Michael Keaton will win best actor and will credit Ben Affleck with being his lame superhero inspiration.
Seth Rogen, clad in black face and bling, will charge the stage during Keaton’s acceptance speech and proclaim that James Franco was robbed for his powerful turn as a talk show host turned assassin in The Interview.
Taylor Swift will be front row, dancing like a newborn giraffe, much to the confusion of the rest of the audience as there will be no music playing.
Benedict Cumberbatch will be this years Adele Dazeem when John Travolta presents the best actor category and dubs him Derelict Cumsnatch.
J.K Simmons will win Best Supporting Actor for Whiplash and will pull double duty using his allotted speech time to sell Farmers Insurance to the A-list crowd.