Amish moms be like

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amish, amish baby, Amish Baby Machine, comedy, kids, kids birthday, kids diet, mommy, mommy rants, parenting, parenting advice, podcast

   
 No, honey, you can’t eat your last piece of ice cream cake for breakfast because it isn’t healthy, will give you cavities and also mommy ate it last night.
Lara L’Amish 

Amish moms be like

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amish, amish baby, Amish Baby Machine, comedy, kids, kids and electronics, mommy, mommy rants, mommy wisdom, parenting, pop culture podcast, tech

Taking the electronics away stopped working as a punishment for my kids, so now I’ve told them that I’m going to start responding to all their texts as them, and the conversation will focus entirely on how much they love their mommy.

Lara L’Amish

Amish moms be like: potty training

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amish, amish baby, amish baby machine podcast, amish wisdom, comedy, Funny, how to talk to your kids, kids, mommy, mommy rants, parenting, parenting advice, parenting fail, podcast, potty training

Why is my kid constantly pounding on the bathroom door asking if I’m still in there?! Does he think I’m going to crawl out of the window and escape? Actually, not a bad idea..

Lara L’Amish

Amish moms be like : how to discipline your child

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amish, amish baby, amish baby machine podcast, amish wisdom, comedy, how to discipline your child, kids, mommy, mommy rants, parenting, parenting advice, parenting fail

I secretly love when my kid gets in trouble at school. The little “who knows what” dance we do when he gets home is, sadly, my only source of suspense.

Lara L’Amish

The unbelievable power of thought

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advice, amish, amish baby, amish baby machine podcast, amish wisdom, comedy, daily inspirations, Funny, funny mommy, it's the thought that counts, life skils, mommy, mommy rant, mommy wisdom, podcast, the power of positive thought, wisdom

“It’s the thought that counts” never applies. Especially when it comes to showering. You have to actually do that.

Lara L’Amish

Amish moms be like

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amish, amish baby, amish baby machine podcast, kids, mommy, mommy rants, movies, patenting advice, pop culture

Was watching a WW2 documentary with my kids and they asked me if I was part of it. So, now I think I’ll watch the movie 2012 with them and tell them about how we all survived that. I need my grand kids to have good stories about me.

Lara L’Amish 

Amish moms be like

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amish, amish baby, Amish Baby Machine, comedy podcast, funny mommy, how to talk to your kids, kids, mommy, mommy rants, moms, parenting, parenting advice, pop culture

My eldest son: “Mommy, what does tact mean?” Me: “Don’t worry about it baby. Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic.”

Lara L’Amish

Amish moms be like

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amish, amish baby, amish baby machine podcast, amish wisdom, kids sports, mommy, mommy rants, mommy wisdom, parenting, parenting advice, podcast

Playing catch with my 4 year old is very similar to just running after a ball over and over again.

Lara L’Amish

Preteen Wolf

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amish, amish baby, Amish Baby Machine, comedy, kids, kids basketball, kids sports, mommy, mommy rants, parenting, patenting advice, podcast, preteen, Rants, Sports, Teen Wolf

My ten year olds basketball game would be far more entertaining if someone would just turn into a werewolf already.

Lara L’Amish

Amish moms be like

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advice on women, amish, amish baby, amish baby machine podcast, amish moms, comedy, dating advice, dating rants, men, mommy, mommy rant, mommy rants, mommy wisdom, podcast, relationship advice, sex advice, women

 I’ve heard men say that women who wear sweatpants outside of the house have given up on life. This is true, to some extent. The truth is that we women, much like the illuminati, have our own secret language that we use to silently communicate with one another. It’s well known that women have the capacity to take on Herculean tasks, in multitude, while making it seem effortless. But even the best of us have our breaking points. Wearing sweatpants out of the house wordlessly says to our fellow females, “No. I can’t have lunch. I can not pick up your children for you. I will not volunteer for your committee. I just can’t.” It doesn’t end there. Pairing sweatpants with either uggs in the winter or crocs in the summer translates to: “I haven’t slept. I just cleaned up barf. I haven’t showered in days and can’t walk because I sprained my ankle tripping on my kids friggin toys. So help me G-d, if you ask me to pick you up from the airport I will inflict bodily harm.” Many men are confused by the intentions of women in sweatpants. They see it as the “bored housewife syndrome”, or as an unspoken “I have a headache, don’t ask me for sex”. This is simply not true. That’s what flannel pajamas are for. In fact, women still want to look desirable to men while wearing their sweatpants, which is how the juicy couture line got its start. They figured, as long as there is something shiny on these pants, like sequins, men will still flock to us. And they were right! So, the next time you see a woman clad in her “bootylicious” sweatpants, with her hair bunched up with a scrunchy, looking as though she’s given up on life, do her a solid. Tell her she’s beautiful and hand her a drink.

Lara L’Amish